Lit by Mummy, Daddy, Faye, Ruby and Emma-Rae xxxxx 4th January 2021
Happy 8th Birthday in Heaven Baby Girl.
I can't quite believe that eight years have passed, sometimes it still seems as raw as if it were only yesterday. This year has been particularly hard without the usual distractions, I wonder how many grieving people there are out there thinking that very same thing. We think this year must have been difficult for us all but what we see only scratches the surface, the isolation caused by this pandemic and the lack of distractions surrounding important dates for the bereaved, the true extent of the psychological damage it is causing must be immense. I for one know that your birthday has hit me much harder this year without the hectic distraction, social interaction and support we usually take for granted will always be there.
I wonder what you make of this world at the moment when you look down on us, I know you would be very proud of how we have coped throughout the year, but you must shake your little head in sadness at the state of the world your little sisters are growing up in. I hope your world up there is far more beautiful, kind, and serene.
I'm so sorry that the latest restrictions have prevented us from visiting the Butterfly Journey this year to celebrate you. I am heartbroken that I cannot go there today sweetheart, it is the only place on earth I have found peace on this day and the only place I ever feel truly close to you enough that I feel I have done your birthday justice. We are visiting our family spot on the Cliffe instead, there isn't really anything else we can do under the restrictions we are living with at the moment. We could go for a walk elsewhere, and I have been wracking my brains and looking for somewhere new and special enough, even asking friends for suggestions, but nothing seems enough and actually when I think about it, the Cliffe is the only other place that holds any sort of connection to you. We walked up there often while I carried you, and we went up there on Boxing Day on my due date with you. We also released your first birthday balloons from the top, so I realised tonight I don't need somewhere new, the Cliffe is as close to you as I'm going to be able to get. It's not enough, there are no butterflies at this time of year outdoors, but it's all we have and we will make the most of it, and I know you'll be watching over us whatever we do and wherever we go.
I hope you have a lovely birthday in Heaven sweetheart, that's eight birthdays now that I've been unable to kiss you and marvel at how big you've grown. As always I wonder what you look like now, as always I wonder if you've even grown up there at all. One day I shall have answers to all these questions I guess, I have to believe that as that means that I shall one day be with you again. To entertain the notion that I might not is just too much for this Mother's heart to bear, so I do not go there and I hold tight to the belief and hope that we will be reunited when it's my time.
Until then my beautiful Baby Girl, Happy Heavenly Birthday to you. Sleep tight my Angel, we love you so very very much xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx