Good morning Baby Girl,
Mummy feel sleep before lighting your candle last night so I'm lighting it this morning before I set of to Nanna Wendy's for the weekend.
Your baby Sister is kicking me as I write, she's fully woken up now! I wish she would keep doing it though, she's had me worried a few times these last couple of weeks because she's gone quieter than usual, it scares me to death. I've been hooked up to the CTG machine having a trace done on her a couple of times to check on her as I've been that worried, and the little monkey starts kicking and wriggling like mad then!
It's turning into a very fraught and worrying pregnancy now and I just want her to be here safe and sound, I'm emotionally exhausted and Daddy is too.
We've only 8 weeks to go today though, hopefully it will pass quickly with all the appointments increasing in frequency. Our next scan is 32 weeks on 22nd October, I'm anxious to see how well she's grown in that time whilst she's been having these quiet periods, maybe if all is well it will help me relax a bit more and trust that she's going to be ok, as I can't stop worrying about her at the moment. It's very mentally draining to spend every minute of every day listening and analysing her every move.
I've been thinking a lot about you lately too which I guess is understandable, I've been thinking about your labour and birth and how I might have done things differently to save you, hindsight is a wonderful thing eh sweetheart.
I'm going to Nanna Wendy's for the weekend as Daddy has been away fishing all week and I want some company, I haven't been too great some of the days and it probably doesn't help to be on my own so much. Work need me to switch my day of next week so I've taken the Monday and decided last minute to make the most of a long weekend. Daddy is likely to be home in the morning now but just in case he's not I'm going to have a nice time with Mum and see some of my family.
I haven't got much to tell you today Baby Girl, I haven't done very much other than work lately. I went swimming yesterday before work and cancelled my membership until after your Sister is born as I won't be able to use it for a while, I may rejoin later when I'm able to take her swimming as it's a nice warm pool at 31 degrees, but we'll see. I've enough notice period left to swim up until the birth and they've told me I can use it any time of day now during that time so I'm going to be able to stick to it more and keep fit for the birth as I can go after work now if Iwant to, I was having trouble getting up so early to go regularly before work!
I was telling a lovely midwife all about you on Thursday sweetheart, she was really nice and really interested in learning about you, and she saw my necklace and wanted a closer look as she loved it. I wonder whether that's why I didn't have the best day on Thursday, it was wonderful for someone to be so interested in listening to me talk about you for a change, but maybe that brought it all to the forefront of my mind and is why I was so anxious about something going wrong with your baby Sister, quite possibly I think. I hadn't thought of that before, I thought it was all about your Sister but maybe it was actually all about you too.
Anyway, I'm feeling better now and she's moving more, she must know when I'm very anxious and need reassurance, just wish she would figure out that it would be better for me to have it all the time!!
I'm going to go now sweetheart as I need to get ready and out, so I'll leave you with this ...
"Because the love of a Mother starts before birth, her love will endure long after death"
That's very true Baby Girl, my love for you will never end, no matter how many more babies I have, you will always be my firstborn and you will always be my world xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx