Dear Summer Ruby, We are so sorry that you couldn't spend your first birthday with Mummy and Daddy and Faye, but we are sure you must have had a magical time up in Heaven. You were in our thoughts and in our hearts for every second of the day, and we missed you terribly. We really wish we could have spent the day laughing and smiling with you, and watching you open your presents, but we did our best to enjoy it anyway as we know you would not want us to be sad. Mummy is writing this story on your website to tell you and everyone who loves you all about how we spent your first birthday, and to make sure we can never forget it! On Friday night when Daddy got home from picking Faye up, we made lemon cupcakes together, with yellow lemon flavoured icing, white chocolate sprinkles, and some yellow iced butterflies on top. Some of them had one big butterfly on them, and some of them had one medium sized butterfly and one small one. They were very pretty and just the right cupcakes for your first birthday! We started your birthday very early by going to a lovely lady's house in Shrewsbury at 7:30am. Her name was Nikki and she was from Celebration Balloons. Daddy had told her all about you and that we wanted to do a special balloon release for your birthday, with wildflower seeds in the balloons. She very kindly said we could go to see her very early and she would help us, so we took flower seeds to her and also three small butterfly shaped seed packets that Mummy made for our messages to you. Nikki put the loose seeds in the balloons for us before blowing them up. There were wildflowers, field flowers, meadow flowers, and butterfly attracting flowers, and the balloons were clear with very pretty white butterflies all over them, so we could see all the seeds inside the balloons. Once she had blown them up she put the neck of the balloons through the little holes Mummy had put on the butterfly seed packets. This meant we didn't need any ribbon so everything we released would be biodegradable. Then she very kindly took photographs of us holding your balloon for us, and didn't charge us a penny, she was very kind and just wanted to help us to make your first birthday special. I think she was very touched by our story and she thought the balloons with the wildflower seeds for scattering was a lovely idea. Once we had finished with Nikki we drove to the Cliffe in Nesscliffe, which is a big hill near home that we all like to walk up together. We were really looking forward to taking you up there when you were born and we have taken your ashes up there since you left us. We walked up to our favourite family spot and we waited until 8:43am, which is when I pushed you into the world last January 4th. While we waited Daddy took photos of us holding your balloons and also set his phone up to video us when we released them. At 8:43am exactly we all sang Happy Birthday to you and then released your balloons. Well, I sang until my voice broke and then I quivered through it, Faye sang with me, and Daddy mouthed the words but couldn't speak. We released your balloons one by one, Daddy let the first one go which was for Nanna Wendy, Nanny Di and Grandad Harry, Grandads Ian and Ken, Aunties Vicky and Kacy, Uncle Neil, and Cousins Bex and Amelia. Then Daddy and I kissed your balloon from us and I let that go, and finally Faye kissed your balloon from her and let that go. We hadn't talked about exactly how we would do it but we ended up having timed the release perfectly. We watched your balloons make their way up to you in Heaven, and Daddy moved the video so he could capture them go and I got my camera to take photos. We watched them float higher and higher until they were out of sight, which didn't take very long as they climbed quickly! Once they had disappeared (they went North which even felt like up!) we all had your birthday butterfly cupcakes for breakfast with sweet tea from a flask. While we had those Faye opened your birthday card and present from us, we bought you a Peter Rabbit glove puppet board book which is so cute, and Faye read it out loud so you could hear the story. Daddy opened your birthday card from Faye which was lovely, and I gave Daddy a card from me, and Faye a card from Daddy and me, which told them how proud I am and you would be of them for how they have coped this year. We took lots of photos and we didn't see another soul until we were done, which was nice as it was just the three of us, and you of course, our special moment on your birthday to really remember you. I took your ashes with us wrapped in your blanket and tucked you inside my jacket with your Bashful, Faye took her Bashful too. You can see the Bashfuls peeping out of our jackets! Once we were done up the Cliffe we popped home to put your cards up and to take photos in the daylight of the yellow and white wreath we placed on your flower garden by your rose, then we headed back out again to Chester Zoo, to have some fun for the rest of your birthday in your memory. We saw lots of weird and wonderful animals at Chester Zoo and we had a lovely day. We were so lucky with the weather, it was cold but it stayed dry and calm all day. We couldn't believe how still it was up the Cliffe as it has been so wet and windy for so long now. We had great conditions for releasing your balloons. The highlight of our trip to Chester Zoo was the Butterfly Journey which we saved until the end, it is the largest zoo-based butterfly house in the UK. We saw so many butterflies, great big ones of all bright and beautiful colours! They were fluttering free all around us and they kept landing on people, and they were dancing, oh how they danced! Faye had one land on her shoulder, and I had one land on my finger. It was a magical place to be on your birthday and very emotional, it finished the day off perfectly. On our way out of the zoo we stopped to take a photograph of Faye sat on a metal elephant statue, as we had taken a photograph of her sat on it over six years ago when we last took her to Chester Zoo when she was nearly four. It would have been wonderful to have been able to take your photo on it with her. We visited the shop before we left and Daddy bought the photograph that they had taken of us on our way in. You are on it too, wrapped up in your blanket, it's a lovely photograph. I had you and Bashful tucked into my jacket all day, you had to come to the zoo with us on your birthday. When we got home Daddy lit a fire and we had lasagne for tea, and we all had a cuddle on the sofa while we watched some television before bed, we were all very tired after such a big and emotional day out. Mummy and Daddy had lots of texts of support and love from our family and friends all day, and many people lit candles for you and us on here too. It meant a lot to us to know everyone was thinking of us all, and more importantly, that they were thinking of our beautiful Baby Girl. We love you so so much and we hope your first birthday did you justice sweetheart, it's so hard to know what to do. All our love always and forever, Mummy, Daddy and Faye xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx