Hello Baby Girl,
Mummy didn't write much last week on your candle but just wanted to tell you that I love you.
I'll tell you all about how we are this week so you can catch up, not that you need to, you're always watching over us and know exactly how we are and what we're doing!
Last weekend we had Faye and she helped me with the housework on Saturday, and on the Sunday we went to have a look at the new Shropshire Women and Children's Centre at the Princess Royal Hospital in Telford. It is a brand new state of the art £28m centre that has been purpose built attached to the hospital, and all consultant births move to there from the end of this month. That means I will have your baby sister there when it's time to be induced.
It's very nice, really light and spacious and they've much better facilities than they had at Shrewsbury, it was very reassuring to go along and have the tour although it did make the birth seem quite a lot nearer! It has made me think about the actual birth a lot this week since.
I think going there made Faye think about it too, as she got upset on Sunday night when it was time for us to leave her.
After having a look around there we took Faye to see Nanny at Bantock Park as Nanny was running a badge making stall at a 1940's day, and then we went back to Nanny's and Daddy made us all his special spaghetti bolognese for Nanny's birthday tea as it was her birthday this Tuesday just gone.
I was off work on Monday instead of Wednesday this week as I needed to cover for someone, so I did some more housework then, and I've had a very busy week since working. It's been hard doing four days in a row while carrying your baby sister, Mummy isn't used to it! Daddy has been away must of the week fishing at the caravan, I really missed him and was so happy to see him on Friday night!
Today I've pottered about doing things on the computer etc. Daddy has been cutting the grass and then he went goose shooting with Steve the Goose about 5pm. It's 9:15pm and dark now so they should be back very soon.
Mummy is snuggled up on the sofa watching X Factor, eating a milkybar that Daddy bought me, and your baby sister is kicking and wriggling like mad.
I've been thinking about you so much lately, I always think of you on some level every moment of every day, but I've been thinking about your birth a lot, and things I wish I'd done differently.
I don't suppose those kind of thoughts serve me very well but sometimes I can't help them and they're creeping in more lately because I'm thinking about having to do it all again. I'm scared I won't be able to protect my baby again and that I'll let her die too, and I'm scared I won't be able to pick up on any change in her movements quickly enough between now and the birth too, it terrifies me that it's down to me to notice if she's doing ok or struggling. I had no idea you were struggling and I failed to save you. I wish I'd been online more and known that what you're told about babies quieting down for the birth isn't true, but then I guess I would never have looked into that at the time, I just trusted what I was told and didn't question it. If I'd known differently I'd have worried when you were quiet that morning instead of thinking it was perfectly normal because I was starting in labour.
Anyway, there's nothing I can do about that now, it's just something I will have to live with. I just hope I am capable of knowing this time if your baby sister gets herself into any trouble, it's such a scary responsibility to carry.
We've only 12 weeks to go now until we're induced, not long really. It can't come fast enough though, although I wouldn't want to wish away time being pregnant and feeling my baby moving inside me again. Last night Daddy had his arm on my tummy and she was going mad and wriggling under his arm so much, she was really strong and freaked him out a bit!! I really love moments like that. I often think about you when I feel her squirming about, and about our moments in bed on our own at the end of a day when you would keep me company when Daddy was away fishing or shooting.
I miss you so much sweetheart, and I love you to the moon and back, always have, always will xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx