I've been missing you a lot these last few days Baby Girl, I'm feeling melancholy for some reason, more than usual.
Maybe that's why I have seen so many butterflies! Are you trying to tell me that you're never far away?
I remember those two lines of your funeral poem ...
'I am the butterfly's wings as it takes to flight,
I am its merry dance, a magical sight'
I do think of you every time I see a butterfly and I imagine that it's you saying hello.
I have been surrounded by them recently, I've never known a summer with so many butterflies before, surely that must mean it is your spirit fluttering by!
Daddy and I saw a beautiful Red Admiral earlier today, and a tiny orange butterfly came to play with it, and we said it must be you and Charlie Robin. We hope you have found each other up in Heaven and play care-free and happily together.
Your Grandad moved back to England today from Holland, he's been away most of my life so it'll be strange to have him home!
Faye is coming this weekend and I'm looking forward to seeing her. I hope she wasn't too upset that Daddy and I went on holiday without her, I know she will understand that we needed some special time together on our own after everything we have been through these last six months. We had a lovely week together, I love your Daddy very much you know.
We went to the Eden Project and they are creating a beautiful butterfly swarm out of cardboard cut out butterflies attached to a huge round net. They were asking the public to create butterflies for them and we could write messages or wishes on them too if we wanted. They gave out cardboard and paper butterfly shapes and we coloured them in and made them pretty. They were making the whole swarm in blue and silver though so I couldn't use yellow!
Of course we created a big one for you sweetheart and I wrote on it 'For Summer Ruby, our Baby Girl', and then I created three little ones to flutter around it. One was for Charlie and simply said 'For Charlie Robin', one was for all of you and said 'For our Angels' which meant Faye too of course, she's not a real Angel like you but she's as lovely as one!
The last one was a wish for me and Daddy and that said 'Wishing for a happy healthy baby!'
In September after the children go back to school and they have enough butterflies to fill the net (60,000!) they will hoist it up to the ceiling and make it spin around constantly so that it looks like a real swarm of beautiful blue and silver butterflies! We will be able to see it on the internet they said so we will have to have a look.
I have nappies drying on the line at the moment for Giggle Bump Baby, they look beautiful and I so wish they were yours. They would of course have become a regular sight by now if you were here, but I think I would still have cherished it! There's something magical about cloth nappies drying on a washing line in the sunshine.
I never stop thinking about you for a second sweetheart, even as I go about normal things every day, you're always on my mind and in my heart, and I love you so so much, with every beat of it.
I miss you too Baby Girl, I miss you so much my heart physically hurts as it aches for you. I do wish you would come and see me one day soon, and not just in my dreams xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx